She Said: “Stop Calling Me Your Girlfriend. We're Just In A 'Situationship'. I Don't...

She said, "Stop calling me your girlfriend. We're just in a situationship. I don't do labels. It feels suffocating." 

I caught her on Tinder. I replied, 

"You're right." Then I started dating her roommate who wanted a real relationship. The 50 missed calls I got when she realized she was no longer the main character. Look, I'm not usually the petty type, but this whole situation was so ridiculous I had to share it. I'm 26, work in tech sales, have a decent job, and make good money. Not rich, but comfortable. I've had a few relationships, nothing crazy. Normal breakups, never cheated, never been cheated on, until 6 months ago when I met Mia. I met her at a friend's birthday party. She was sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone. 

Everyone else was dancing or playing beer pong. I sat down next to her, asked what she was looking at. She showed me this TikTok of a guy rating different types of pasta. We spent an hour just showing each other stupid videos. Didn't even get her number that night. My friend gave it to me later. I texted her the next day. She responded 3 hours later. Okay, cool. Not desperate. We texted for a week. 

Then I asked her to get coffee. She said yes. Coffee turned into dinner. Dinner turned into drinks. We closed down the bar, walked around the city until 2:00 a.m. talking about everything. Music, movies, our families. She told me about her design job, showed me her portfolio on her phone. It was actually good, like really good. I was impressed. 

The second date was a week later. She canceled the first time we tried to meet up. Said something came up with work. No big deal. Rescheduled for Thursday. We got sushi. She ordered a bunch of stuff. I paid. She didn't offer. I didn't care. She was cool. We went back to her place after meeting her roommate briefly. This girl is named Sophie. Quiet, gave a little wave and went to her room. Mia and I watched a movie, made out. I went home around midnight. Third date, she invited me to a concert, some indie band I'd never heard of. She bought the tickets already. I offered to Venmo her half. She said, 

"Don't worry about it." Cool. The show was good. We went to her place after again. Sophie was gone that weekend. Things escalated. You get the idea. I left the next morning. She made coffee. We sat on her couch talking for like 2 hours. It felt natural, easy. I thought this could be something. That's when things got weird. After that night, she started being flaky. Would take forever to respond to texts, cancel plans last minute. When we did hang out, it was always late at night, always at her place, never during the day, never in public anymore. I asked her what was up. She said, 

"Nothing. She's just busy." I said, 

"Okay." Gave her space. 2 months in, I brought up labels. We were lying in her bed. It was like 1:00 a.m. I said, 

"So, what are we doing here?" She said, 

"What do you mean?" I said, 

"Are we dating? Are you my girlfriend?" She got quiet. 

Then she said, 

"I don't really do labels." I said, 

"What does that mean?" 

She said, "Labels feel suffocating. I like what we have. Why do we need to define it?" I said, 

"Because I want to know where I stand." She said, 

"You stand right here, with me." 

It wasn't enough, but I didn't say that. I said, "Okay. Let's just see where it goes." 

She smiled, kissed me, and said, 

"That's why I like you. You get it." I didn't get it, but I wanted to. Month three, she started posting on Instagram more. Pictures of herself, sometimes with friends, never with me. I wasn't in a single post, not even a story. I noticed one guy kept commenting, fire emojis, heart eyes. She'd reply with laughing faces. I asked who he was. 

She said, 

"Just a friend from college." I said, 

"He seems pretty interested." She said, "He's harmless. Don't be jealous. It's not a good look." I wasn't jealous. I was confused. What exactly were we doing? I couldn't call her my girlfriend. She wouldn't commit to being exclusive. But she got weird when I mentioned other women. I told her about a girl at work who asked me out. Just mentioned it casually. Mia got quiet, said, 

"Oh, are you going to go?" I said, 

"I don't know. Should I?" She said, "Do whatever you want." But her tone said otherwise. Month four, we had the fight. I asked her directly,

 "Are we exclusive?" She said, 

"That's such a restrictive way to think about relationships." 

I said, "I just want to know if you're seeing other people." She said, 

"What I do when I'm not with you is my business." I said,

 "So, you are seeing other people." She said, 

"I didn't say that." I said, "But you won't say you're not." She said, "This conversation is exactly why I don't do labels. Too much pressure. Too many expectations." I said, 

"Wanting to know if you're sleeping with other people isn't pressure. It's basic respect." She said, 

"I need space." I said, "Okay." Didn't hear from her for a week. Then she texted at 11:00 p.m. on a Friday, "You up?" I didn't respond. She texted again an hour later, 

"I miss you." I caved, went over. We hooked up. She fell asleep. I lay there looking at the ceiling thinking, 

"What the hell am I doing?" 

Month five, I made a decision. I needed to know, was she seeing other people or not? I'm not proud of this, but I checked her phone. She went to the bathroom, left it on the bed, face up. I picked it up, opened it. She didn't have a passcode. First thing I saw was Tinder, the app, just sitting there. I clicked it. Her profile was active, updated photos, one from last week. The bio said, "Looking for something fun and casual." Last active 2 hours ago. I felt my stomach drop. I put the phone back. She came out of the bathroom, asked if I was okay. I said, "Yeah, just tired. Should probably head out." She said, "You can stay." I said, "No, it's cool. I have work early." I left, drove home, sat in my car for 20 minutes just staring at nothing. Next day I texted her, "We need to talk." She said, 

"About what?" I said,

 "About us." She said, "There's no us, remember? No labels. That's what you wanted." I said, 

"No, that's what you wanted." She said, "I don't want to have this conversation over text." I said, "Fine. Let's meet up." She said, "I'm busy this week." I said, "Of course you are." I stopped responding. Decided I was done. I'd wasted 5 months on someone who wouldn't even call me her boyfriend, but also wouldn't let me move on. I deleted her number, blocked her on everything. That should have been the end. It wasn't. 2 weeks later, I got a text from an unknown number. It's Mia. Can we talk? I didn't respond. Another text. "I miss you." Nothing. Another text. "I think I made a mistake." Still nothing. She called. I sent it to voicemail. She called again. Voicemail. Then she texted, "Why are you ignoring me? This is childish." "Childish? That's rich." I replied. "Childish is stringing someone along for 5 months while you're active on dating apps." She said, "I can explain." I said, "I don't want an explanation. I'm done." She said, "We should talk in person." I said, "There's nothing to talk about." She said, "Please." I said, "No." She showed up at my apartment that night. How she got my address, I don't know. I'd never taken her there. She must have asked our mutual friend. I opened the door. She was standing there looking upset. She said, "Can I come in?" I said, "No." She said, "I need to talk to you." I said, "So, talk." She said, "Not in the hallway." I said, "That's all I'm offering." She said she didn't realize how much I meant to her until I left. I said, "That's convenient." She said she knows she messed up, that the Tinder thing was stupid. She wasn't actually meeting anyone, just liked the attention. I said, "Cool." She said she wants to try again, for real this time. I said, 

"Try what?" She said a relationship. I said, 

"Now you want a relationship?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Why now?" She said, "Because I miss you." I said, "You miss having someone available when you're bored." She said, "That's not fair." I said, "Neither is what you did. I'm done." Shut the door. She texted me every day for a week. Long paragraphs. How she realized she had commitment issues, how she's working on herself, how I was different from other guys, how she wants to make it official. I didn't respond to any of it. Here's where it gets good. Remember her roommate, Sophie? The quiet one who barely said anything when I met her? I ran into her at a coffee shop 3 weeks after I cut off Mia. She was in line ahead of me, recognized me, said, 

“Hey, aren't you Mia's friend?" I said I was. She said,

 "Oh." 

Awkward silence. 

Then she said, 

"How are you?" I said, 

"I'm good, actually." 

She said, "That's good." I said, 

"How's living with Mia?"

 She laughed, said, 

"It's interesting." I said, 

"I bet." We got our coffees and sat down, started talking, just catching up. She asked what happened with me and Mia. I gave her the short version. The situationship, the Tinder, the no labels. Sophie nodded, said, "Yeah, that sounds like Mia." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Mia Mia does this a lot. Has guys around, but never commits. Gets weird if they leave." I said, "So, I'm not the first." Sophie said, "Definitely not." She said there were two other guys just this year. Same pattern. We talked for an hour. Sophie was actually really easy to talk to, funny, smart. 

She worked in marketing, had her own place lined up starting next month. Was finally moving out.

 I said, "Finally." She said, 

"Yeah. Living with Mia is exhausting. Everything's always drama, always about her." I laughed, said, 

"I could see that."

 I asked if she wanted to get dinner sometime. She looked surprised, said, "Really?" I said, 

"Yeah, unless that's weird." 

She said, 

"No, it's not weird. I'm not loyal to Mia's situationships." I laughed. 

We exchanged numbers. I texted her that night. We made plans for Friday. Friday comes. I pick Sophie up from her place, Mia's place. Mia answers the door, sees me. Her face goes confused, says, 

"What are you doing here?" I said, 

"Picking up Sophie." She said, 

"What?" Sophie comes out, says, 

"Hey, ready to go?" 

Mia looks between us, says you're going out with him. Sophie said, yeah. Mia said, I didn't know you two knew each other. Sophie said, we met through you, remember? Mia said, yeah, but Sophie said, but what? Mia didn't answer. We left. Dinner was great. Sophie and I clicked, like really clicked. It wasn't forced. Wasn't complicated. She asked questions, listened, laughed at my jokes, told me about her family, her job, her plans to move. We got dessert, stayed until the restaurant closed. I drove her home, walked her to the door. Mia was watching through the window. I saw the curtain move. I kissed Sophie, she kissed back, said I had a really good time. I said, me too. Can I see you again? She said, I'd like that. Mia texted me 10 minutes after I left. What the I didn't respond. She called. Voicemail. She called again, again, again. 50 missed calls over the next two hours. Between the calls, she was texting non-stop. Then the texts started cycling through emotions. Are you seriously dating my roommate? That's so up. You're only doing this to hurt me. This is childish. You're pathetic. Then, I can't believe you'd do this. I thought you were a good guy. Then, please call me. We need to talk. Then, I'm sorry for everything. Can we please talk? I said, one text. You're right. About what? About us just being a situationship. So, I'm free to date whoever I want, including Sophie. She's great, by the way. Thanks for introducing us. She lost it, called me from five different numbers. Her regular phone, a different number, Sophie's phone, our mutual friend's phone, someone else's, I didn't recognize. I didn't answer any of them. She showed up at my apartment again. I didn't open the door. She yelled through it. You're only dating Sophie to get back at me. I yelled back. Sophie and I are in a relationship, you know, with labels. The thing you said was suffocating. Mia said, this isn't about labels. I said, everything with you is about labels, or lack thereof. Go home. She started texting Sophie, telling her I was using her, that I was just trying to make Mia jealous. Sophie showed me the texts, laughed, said Mia can't handle not being the center of attention. I said, should I end this if it's causing you problems with your roommate? Sophie said, absolutely not. I liked you. Mia needs to grow up. Sophie moved out two weeks later, into her own place. I helped her move. Mia didn't come out of her room the whole time. We took the last box down. Mia opened her door, said, Sophie, can we talk? Sophie said, nope, I don't think so. Mia said, you're really going to do this, throw away our friendship for a guy? Sophie said, you're the one who made it weird. I just went on a date. You spiraled. Mia said, because he's my ex. Sophie said, he was never your boyfriend, remember? You don't do labels. That shut her up. We left. Sophie officially moved in. I went over that night, brought wine. We sat on her floor surrounded by boxes, ordered pizza, watched movies. It felt right, easy. No games, no confusion, just two people who liked each other. Novel concept, apparently. A month later, Mia texted me again, from a new number. I see you're still with Sophie. I didn't respond. She said, you two are really dating. I said, yes. She said, so you got what you wanted. I said, I did. She said, was it worth it, losing me? I said, I didn't lose anything. You were never mine to lose. That's what you told me. She said, I didn't mean it like that. I said, how did you mean it? She didn't respond. Sophie and I have been together three months now. It's official. She's my girlfriend. I'm her boyfriend. We use those suffocating labels. Her family knows about me. My family knows about her. We post pictures together. We make plans more than two hours in advance. Revolutionary stuff. Mia is still single, according to our mutual friend, still on Tinder, still doing the same thing with different guys. I don't care. That's her life. Mine is better without the drama. Sophie and I were at a bar last weekend. Mia was there. Didn't see her at first. She saw us, though. Came up to our table, said, hey. We both said, hey back. Awkward silence. Then she said, you guys look happy. Sophie said, we are. Mia nodded, said, that's good. I'm happy for you. She didn't look happy. She looked like she wanted to say more, didn't, just walked away. Sophie said, that must have been weird for you. I said, not really. Mia said, whatever we had wasn't real. She said that many times. So, it doesn't feel weird seeing her. Sophie said, good, because that was definitely weird for me. I laughed, said, welcome to dating your roommate's situationship. Sophie said, former roommate and former situationship. I said, true. The irony isn't lost on me. I spent five months trying to get Mia to commit, trying to be enough, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Turns out, I wasn't doing anything wrong. She just didn't want a relationship, and that's fine. But then she got mad when I found someone who did. That's not fine. Sophie told me last week that Mia tried to add her on Instagram. Sophie had unfollowed her when she moved out. Mia requested to follow her back. Sophie said, should I accept it? I said, up to you. She said, I think I'll pass. I don't need that energy. I said, fair. I'm not saying I dated Sophie to get revenge. That's not how it started. I genuinely liked her. Still do. But was there a small part of me that enjoyed the fact that it drove Mia crazy? Yeah, absolutely. She wanted to keep me on the hook while she figured out what she wanted. I cut the line, found someone who knew what they wanted, me. Mia texted Sophie yesterday. Sophie showed me. The text said, I miss living with you. 

Can we get coffee? Sophie hasn't responded, probably won't. She said, Mia does this, gets nostalgic, tries to reconnect, then ghosts again. I said, sounds about right. Sophie said, I'm good on that friendship. I said, I don't blame you. The whole thing taught me something, though. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Mia told me she didn't do labels, didn't want commitment, wanted to keep things casual. I thought I could change her mind. I couldn't, and I shouldn't have tried. She was honest. I just didn't want to hear it. Sophie, on the other hand, said on our second date that she was looking for something real, that she was tired of games, that she wanted a partner. I believed her. Turns out, she meant it. We're not complicated. We're just together. It's refreshing. People ask if it's weird dating my ex's roommate. I say, she was never my ex. We were just in a situationship. 

No labels, remember? Mia's newest Instagram post is about self-love and finding yourself before you can love someone else. Very deep, very introspective. Sophie sent it to me. We both laughed. I said, think she figured it out. Sophie said, doubtful. I said, mean. Sophie said, realistic. Here's the thing about situationships. They're great for the person who wants options, terrible for the person who wants clarity. I wanted clarity. Mia wanted options. So, I found someone who wanted the same thing I did. Mia got what she wanted, too. She's single, no labels, no commitments, no suffocation, just her and her Tinder matches. Sometimes you don't get closure, you just get clarity. I got both. Closure when I saw the Tinder app, clarity when I realized I deserved better, and then I found better, in the most unexpected place, my almost girlfriend's apartment, just in a different room.